They really DO exist!!!
Last night around 10:00 I realized with a sinking heart that I forgot to put the bag of garbage that I had placed on the deck, in the trash can. As I flicked on the deck light, I was fully prepared for the mess that was on the other side of the door. Sure enough, some unknown critters had torn into the bag and had made a mess. It actually wasn't as bad as I had envisioned.
I opened the door with every intention of cleaning up the mess so said critters wouldn't come back for seconds. I stepped outside and peered down the stairs. There they were. Three masked bandits, licking their fingers after feasting on leftover spaghetti and an apple core or two. Knowing these particular critters could be quite mean, I grabbed a pizza box out of the recycle bin (aside: Rob, pizza boxes CANNOT be recycled.) and threw it down it down the stairs at them.
Two of the smaller ones scurried away immediately. Much to my surprise the third, and largest of the trio came running back up the stairs at me! Honest to God, at first I thought this was the biggest raccoon I have ever seen. It only took me a split second to realize this was no ordinary raccoon. Oh no. Internet, this was a R.O.U.S.
I didn't know I possessed the speed and agility I displayed last night. Like a flash I was over the garbage and back in my house. The R.O.U.S was right on my heels. It had every intention of getting it's furry self INTO MY HOME. I slammed the door with no time to spare. In fact, the demon's nose caught the brunt of the force and it screamed and howled in pain. (This morning Rob wondered why the refrigerator was crooked. I slammed the door with such force, it moved the fridge!)
I stood inside the door, heart beating so rapidly I feared it would pulsate right out of my chest and fall on the floor with an unceremonious 'splat'. The R.O.U.S stood on it's haunches, mere feet from me and sang me a song of warning that consisted of grunts, hisses, growls and perhaps a few bars of gangsta' rap. We stood that way for a long time, just staring at one another.
My heart was still racing and would kick into even higher gear when I thought of a R.O.U.S in my house with my babies sleeping a mere ten feet away in the living room. I don't know which one of us broke the stare-down. I would peer out the door every couple of minutes and the R.O.U.S would still still be there. Always up on hind legs, and ALWAYS glaring right at the window.
It was a fitful night of strange dreams and uneasiness. I had disturbing visions of six-fingered men, Sicilians with speech impediments, rhyming giants and Spaniards with grudges. At one point I was certain I heard popping sounds, and worried the flames would appear at any moment. (I am really quite bitter that there was no fair-haired farm boy telling me "as you wish"......seriously!)
I woke this morning to evidence the trio had returned and Oh.My.God did they throw one helluva garbage party. Apparently, they liked Drew's discarded Jelly Bellies, but didn't care for the peas. I had no idea we had R.O.U.S of this caliber in the neighborhood.
Lesson learned: trash in the trash cans IMMEDIATELY. A R.O.U.S has caught my scent, and who knows when it will be coming back for more.
Oh wait......that last line strangely sounds like a Peter Pan reference...................
*Shame on those of you who don't know or don't recall...a R.O.U.S is a Rodent Of Unusual Size. Go watch The Princess Bride and brush up on your movie trivia!!!
Last night around 10:00 I realized with a sinking heart that I forgot to put the bag of garbage that I had placed on the deck, in the trash can. As I flicked on the deck light, I was fully prepared for the mess that was on the other side of the door. Sure enough, some unknown critters had torn into the bag and had made a mess. It actually wasn't as bad as I had envisioned.
I opened the door with every intention of cleaning up the mess so said critters wouldn't come back for seconds. I stepped outside and peered down the stairs. There they were. Three masked bandits, licking their fingers after feasting on leftover spaghetti and an apple core or two. Knowing these particular critters could be quite mean, I grabbed a pizza box out of the recycle bin (aside: Rob, pizza boxes CANNOT be recycled.) and threw it down it down the stairs at them.
Two of the smaller ones scurried away immediately. Much to my surprise the third, and largest of the trio came running back up the stairs at me! Honest to God, at first I thought this was the biggest raccoon I have ever seen. It only took me a split second to realize this was no ordinary raccoon. Oh no. Internet, this was a R.O.U.S.
I didn't know I possessed the speed and agility I displayed last night. Like a flash I was over the garbage and back in my house. The R.O.U.S was right on my heels. It had every intention of getting it's furry self INTO MY HOME. I slammed the door with no time to spare. In fact, the demon's nose caught the brunt of the force and it screamed and howled in pain. (This morning Rob wondered why the refrigerator was crooked. I slammed the door with such force, it moved the fridge!)
I stood inside the door, heart beating so rapidly I feared it would pulsate right out of my chest and fall on the floor with an unceremonious 'splat'. The R.O.U.S stood on it's haunches, mere feet from me and sang me a song of warning that consisted of grunts, hisses, growls and perhaps a few bars of gangsta' rap. We stood that way for a long time, just staring at one another.
My heart was still racing and would kick into even higher gear when I thought of a R.O.U.S in my house with my babies sleeping a mere ten feet away in the living room. I don't know which one of us broke the stare-down. I would peer out the door every couple of minutes and the R.O.U.S would still still be there. Always up on hind legs, and ALWAYS glaring right at the window.
It was a fitful night of strange dreams and uneasiness. I had disturbing visions of six-fingered men, Sicilians with speech impediments, rhyming giants and Spaniards with grudges. At one point I was certain I heard popping sounds, and worried the flames would appear at any moment. (I am really quite bitter that there was no fair-haired farm boy telling me "as you wish"......seriously!)
I woke this morning to evidence the trio had returned and Oh.My.God did they throw one helluva garbage party. Apparently, they liked Drew's discarded Jelly Bellies, but didn't care for the peas. I had no idea we had R.O.U.S of this caliber in the neighborhood.
Lesson learned: trash in the trash cans IMMEDIATELY. A R.O.U.S has caught my scent, and who knows when it will be coming back for more.
Oh wait......that last line strangely sounds like a Peter Pan reference...................
*Shame on those of you who don't know or don't recall...a R.O.U.S is a Rodent Of Unusual Size. Go watch The Princess Bride and brush up on your movie trivia!!!
5 comments:
Yikes!! :O
Don't shame me for having a mommy brain today. I can't help it. And maybe you should think twice about starting a fight with a rodent that hasn't finished it's dinner!
This is the funniest blog ever. You might want to be careful around any sand boxes.
Dude, R.O.U.S have THUMBS! Never mess with a R.O.U.S! Next time it just might open the door and eat your dinner right off your table. hehehehehe
CK..you are TOO funny! I just LOVE reading your blogspot! So glad the kids (and you and Rob) survived the ATTACK! Love to all...Julie
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