Fighting Battles

As a mom, I am used to fighting battles on behalf of my children.  From bullies, to teachers who don't understand, to little league coaches, to other parents, to uninformed teenagers, to the occasional family member.....I have attempted to educate them all.  While simultaneously protecting my children from the hurt that a lack of understanding can cause.  Sometimes this is met with success and understanding.  Sometimes it is met with resistance and refusal to accept differences.  Most of the time I can move on, knowing that I tried.

Lately I feel like I've failed my children.  All three of my older children have faced issues and adversity lately, whether they are aware of it or not.  I have fought for all three.  But lately I haven't been as successful.  This hurts my heart on behalf of my kids.  They deserve so much better.  I won't let these failures and setbacks keep me from fighting on their behalf in the future.  It does mean I am going to have to find new approaches and perhaps do some research.

Allow me this time to address the people who have hurt my children.  Just typing out these words is cleansing for me.  It's my blog, and while this isn't my usual light-hearted post full of fun photos, I feel there are things I need to say.

To the mother of the mean girl who came thisclose to crushing my daughter's spirit:  I was doing you a favor by allowing your child into my home everyday.  Your child mocked my boys, and ridiculed my daughter.  She's continued to bully my daughter at school.  Yet all the blame was put on my daughter who was called 'nosy' and 'quirky' amongst other not-so-flattering adjectives.  Here's some advice for you:  start raising your daughter as the eight-year-old CHILD that she is.  They are children, not miniature adults.  Shame on YOU for picking on a child.  I will thank you though, I will never invite another child into my home without knowing a bit more about their background.

Dear Little League coach.  My son is autistic, he's not stupid.  Please stop crushing his spirit by making him last for everything.  He may not hit home runs.  He may strike out a lot, but he shows up for every game, he gives it his all.  He never complains about the way he is treated, he just tries to do better.  I'm starting to think that the mandatory parent volunteer hours should directly correlate to how much playing time the kids get.  Why should we have to give as many hours as the parents of kids who play every single inning of every single game?  My kid gets an average of one plate appearance per game, do the math.  Why is it so hard to treat all the members of your team as important?  My kid is a great kid, he has enthusiasm and he loves baseball.  He's never going to be an all-star, I know that.  But I want him to continue to enjoy playing baseball.  if you continue to treat him like he's damaged and not worthy, that's how he'll see himself.  Please, for just a moment, imagine someone treating one of your sons the way you've treated mine.  I'm sure you won't like the way it feels.

To the school administrator who sits behind a desk and makes decisions about children she's never met; how about opening a file sometime to read about these kids?  You have made a decision that will affect dozens of autistic students.  Autistic kids thrive on routine, they need familiarity, they don't like change.  By uprooting them and evicting them from the school they've come to love and depend on is shortsighted and cruel.  For a moment could you leave politics behind and focus on the children?  In the end, your decisions will stand, and you will leave others to deal with the fallout.  The parents, the teachers, the aides.....we will be the ones helping our children deal with your mandates.  You go ahead and hide across town, behind that big desk of yours.  Special education may be in your job title, but it is my life.  You can close the door at the end of the day and leave it behind.  I live it every minute of every day.  Your ridiculous decisions have just made my job (which is already quite difficult) even more challenging.

Groups of all varieties scream for equality.  Whether it's ethnic, social, religious or whatnot, these groups rise up, make noise and demand change.  Well I would like to stand up and demand compassion for kids who are different from the norm.  For the parents who fight on behalf of those children.  For all the little girls who are bullied by other little girls (and their parents.)  For all the families who sit in the back row, trying to "protect" the people around them from the differences they may bring to the table.  Is compassion too much to ask for?  Seems like it's a basic human right. 

Don't get me wrong, I know I cannot win every battle I have to fight for my children.  When I fail, I can only hope that I educated someone in the process.  There are days I struggle and have to fight the urge to create a protective bubble for my kids to exist within.  But if I did that, the world would be missing out on some really awesome people.