We've always been honest with Drew about Cole. Admittedly, we never went into the details, but he's always known he has a brother named Cole who lives up in heaven with Baby Jesus, Fr. Palko and Mary....Baby Jesus' mommy.
The past few months he's been a bit more concerned with Cole, and we've been giving him more details. We told him Cole was too sick, and even though the doctors and nurses tried to help him, he went to heaven. He knows that he and his brother were born at Altoona Hospital, and mentions it every time we happen to drive by. He knows that they got to ride in a helicopter, and I think he's somewhat disappointed that he has no memory of it. He knows he and Cole were in Momma's belly together, and that they were teeny, tiny little babies who were born before they should have been.
None of this prepared me for the what he threw at me this morning. I told him we'd be going to the cemetery to put flowers in Cole's vase. He's been there before, he knows that's where he sees Cole's name. Today he got teary eyed at the thought.
On the drive to the cemetery he said to me: "Mom, is Cole in heaven because he died?"
It was then that I realized we never used the terms die, death or died when talking to him about his brother. Since watching Charlotte's Web, he's had a better understanding of death. When I told him yes, Cole is in heaven because he died, Drew got very quiet. "I want him back." he declared.
You and me both, sweet boy.
We got to the cemetery and put the flowers and pinwheel in Cole's vase. Drew looked up at me with huge, crocodile tears and said: "I miss him so much Mom."
My heart broke on the spot.
My sweet eight-year-old son mourned for his brother today in a way he never has. I let him cry, and hugged him when he was ready for a hug.
In the matter of a few minutes he went from heart-wrenching sadness, to blood-boiling anger. I can relate, totally. Most of the day he's been quieter than usual, prone to tears and very very contemplative.
What a hard way to learn about death.
The past few months he's been a bit more concerned with Cole, and we've been giving him more details. We told him Cole was too sick, and even though the doctors and nurses tried to help him, he went to heaven. He knows that he and his brother were born at Altoona Hospital, and mentions it every time we happen to drive by. He knows that they got to ride in a helicopter, and I think he's somewhat disappointed that he has no memory of it. He knows he and Cole were in Momma's belly together, and that they were teeny, tiny little babies who were born before they should have been.
None of this prepared me for the what he threw at me this morning. I told him we'd be going to the cemetery to put flowers in Cole's vase. He's been there before, he knows that's where he sees Cole's name. Today he got teary eyed at the thought.
On the drive to the cemetery he said to me: "Mom, is Cole in heaven because he died?"
It was then that I realized we never used the terms die, death or died when talking to him about his brother. Since watching Charlotte's Web, he's had a better understanding of death. When I told him yes, Cole is in heaven because he died, Drew got very quiet. "I want him back." he declared.
You and me both, sweet boy.
We got to the cemetery and put the flowers and pinwheel in Cole's vase. Drew looked up at me with huge, crocodile tears and said: "I miss him so much Mom."
My heart broke on the spot.
My sweet eight-year-old son mourned for his brother today in a way he never has. I let him cry, and hugged him when he was ready for a hug.
In the matter of a few minutes he went from heart-wrenching sadness, to blood-boiling anger. I can relate, totally. Most of the day he's been quieter than usual, prone to tears and very very contemplative.
What a hard way to learn about death.
5 comments:
How heartbreaking CK. I am crying with you.
(and Drew too)
My poor Drew...
Ck,
I don't even have the words. . .just wishing I could hug you and Drew both. . .
Autumn
Love to you all, Ck.
Lisa
Post a Comment